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<title>there is suffering too terrible to name. by luvelles (orphan_account)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24449236">there is suffering too terrible to name.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/luvelles'>luvelles (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Episode: s06e16 Fragments, Episode: s06e17 Homeworld Bound, Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz sucks, Sad Steven Universe, Shattered Jasper (Minor), Steven Universe Needs Therapy, angsty steven universe, like actually get this boy some help, someone please help this special pink boi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:21:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24449236</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/luvelles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven was fine.</p><p>He may have possibly just lost control of his powers and shattered a gem despite his strict motto against shattering.<br/>But it was okay. He could fix her, he could fix anything!</p><p>Except himself, that was.</p><p> </p><p>((or))</p><p> </p><p>steven is a worry magnet</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rain felt like pellets being shot at his skin as he ran through the forest from Jasper’s cave to the temple.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Jasper. </em>
</p>
<p>Just thinking about even her name made Steven want to rip his own gem out and shatter it too so everything would be fair and it would all be <em> okay. </em></p>
<p>But it wouldn’t be okay, nothing was ever okay. He still has work to do, he still has his mother’s messes to clean, he still has to do <em> EVERYTHING </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t want to think about the act of utter <em> hypocrisy </em>he had just committed, which was proven to be quite difficult judging from the fact that the only thing Steven had left of Jasper were the shards of her bright orange gem he had grown accustomed to seeing(in ONE PIECE, he reminded himself)everytime he visited her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> ((“We don’t shatter gems” He had said.)) </em>
</p>
<p>What a lie.</p>
<p>
  <em> ((You really are better than her,” Bismuth had said darkly.)) </em>
</p>
<p>Stop <em> LYING </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steven nearly turned pink all over again has his mind screamed out to nothing.</p>
<p>His head pounded and everything was sore, getting only worse as he sprinted his way in the cold evening home.</p>
<p>Home.</p>
<p>Home held Amethyst, Garnet, and Pearl.</p>
<p>How could he bear to face them now after all he’d done. He thought he was <em> better, </em> he had to be <em> better </em> than this monster he was becoming.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘please dont be home please dont be home please dont be home please’</p>
<p>Steven chanted frantically in his mind as he ran up the creaky wooden stairs to the beach house. But he had no luck, of course he didn’t, this day was just fining all kinds of ways to be <em> terrible. </em></p>
<p>Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl crowded in the main room of the house, talking with one another in desperate and upset tones, about him, no surprise there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steven!” Pearl called out as he bolted past them and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and locking it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not now!” He yelled irritatedly as he twisted the faucet knobs on the bathtub so hard he thought he’d break them right off before grabbing the three bottles of Diamond essence from the medicine cabinet and knocked them into the already half-filled bathtub, the blue, yellow, and white colored swirls of each liquid mixing together, looking like some sort of beautiful nebula.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steven pieced together each shard of Jasper’s destroyed gem in his palm much like some kind of twisted puzzle, one that held both the life and death of a singular being. He enclosed the ‘puzzle’ in his fist, but held it lightly, not wanting to damage his mistake((somanymistakeshehadtofixhewassoTIREDOFTHIS))even further, and lowered his hand into the water, praying to the stars that he could fix this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please, please, please work” Steven muttered, when nothing happened, tears started rolling down his cheeks. Steven had never once thought he’d ever be crying over Jasper, yet here he was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jasper, <em> please! </em>I’m so sorry!”</p>
<p>Tears fell into the bathtub, adding a splash of pink to the nebula of Diamond essence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, just as Steven whispered one final ‘please’, a sharp orange light broke through the darkness of the bathroom. Steven dropped the gem into the water in his shock and backed away as the light started to take form.</p>
<p>A strangled gasp was then heard as the light faded and Jasper took its place, clad with a crack in her face markings and the tip of one of her horns missing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Quartz’s cyber-yellow eyes landed upon the trembling teenager in front of her.</p>
<p>“You— You shattered me.” Jasper said, Steven couldn’t tell if it was more a question or statement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to! I should have stopped, I just wasn’t thinking! I did know <em> that </em>would have happened!” Steven said, his dark eyes still clouded with salty tears as he pleaded for her forgiveness.</p>
<p>The Quartz stepped out of the tub, Steven stepped a few more feet back in fear Jasper would try for a rematch, but instead, she only kneeled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I bow to your strength,” She said, her head facing the floor respectfully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “My Diamond.” </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as you can see, I have an unhealthy obsession with italicizing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Pearl was deathly worried for the boy she’d learned to cherish greatly over the years, and his odd behavior was not helping one bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steven, please come out” Pearl knocked on the door of the bathroom, her voice calmed yet laced with frantic worry, “We want to make sure you’re alright”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Steven didn’t answer, Amythest spoke up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on in there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The purple gem was interrupted by the door clicking open. The three gems expected the boy in the signature pink jacket ready with some sort of explanation. But no, Steven was replaced with—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jasper?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Steven?” Amythest demanded. Jasper sighed and plastered a smirk on her face, stepping out of the way of the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right here.” She stated, giving the diamond salute as Steven appeared in the doorway, eyes red and his whole body shaking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steven? Where have you </span>
  <em>
    <span>been?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The small purple gem questioned</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just disappear for days without telling us!” Pearl berated</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just </span>
  <em>
    <span>did” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Steven shot back codly to Pearl, who drew back in shock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My diamond can do as he pleases” Jasper added, dropping her hands from the salute and folding them behind her back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold up- your </span>
  <em>
    <span>diamond?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Amythest repeated in near horror.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The argument that broke out between those three over those two simple yet impactful words almost had Steven going insane</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven tried to make his escape as Pearl demanded answers from Jasper, but was stopped by Garnet placing her hand in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steven, are you alright?” She asked, her voice, usually video of emotion, laced with concern. Steven gave a weak chuckle accompanied by a watery, weak smile that Garnet could easily tell was forced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, don’t worry” He lied easily, moving around her arm and heading up the stairs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steven!” The fusion called up the stairs, making her way up to follow him as Pearl yelled, her voice still angry from her little ‘discussion’ with Jasper.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Where is he going?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steven!” Garnet repeated as she chased him to the warp pad, grabbing his arm to stop him from running and leaving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Garnet, let me go,” Steven said, his body language radiating only ‘exhausted’ as he tried desperately to tug away from her tight grip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, dude. What’s your deal? We’re worried about you” Amythest said as she Pearl, and Jasper ran up the stairs and caught up to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The teenager insisted, but everything about him screamed otherwise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steven, we’re your </span>
  <em>
    <span>family,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Garnet said, her voice that he used to find so calming now so extremely dripping with ((FAKE))worry it hurt him to just hear, “You can tell us anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t help me anymore, not with this” Steven said, growing irritated at their false approaches of comfort and pulling his arm back from Garnet’s grip violently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>((theynevercaredbeforewhywouldtheycarenowliarsliarsLIARS))</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven took a second to calm himself down, wanting nothing less than to hurt someone else with another one of his stupid pink outbursts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made his way closer to the warp pad and eventually used his powers to put up a pink diamond wall when they went to try and stop him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can help you if you tell us what’s wrong!” Pearl exclaimed, her tone ringing so shrilly in his ears dispite being slightly muffled because of the thick annoyingly bright pink wall he set up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Steven yelled back, growing only more aggravated with each spoken word emitting from their mouths. He almost wanted to laugh at their shocked faces when they saw him turn that sickening shade of hot pink. He didn’t get why, out of all of them, Pearl looked the most surprised. She’d probably seen this happen to his mother numerous times, hadn't she.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. That was it then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was acting like his mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was just growing more and more like that horrible woman each day, then, wasn’t he?`</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>((idontwanttobehericantiwont))</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The only people in this entire universe that can help me are the ones I’ve been avoiding all this time” Steven explained in a mutter, not caring if they could even hear him. They did, evidently, because the Crystal gem trio all shot eachother the same horrified look as they whispered in unison,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Diamonds”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steven, you can’t!” Pearl cried out, trying foolishly to break through the wall he put up and yank him away from the warp to, most likely, knowing her, lock him away somewhere so that he couldn’t escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(trapped trapped trapped)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he should be locked away, maybe it would be for the better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jasper looked as though she wanted to escape with him so badly, he did not know if the reasoning behind it was that she felt the need to stay by the side of ‘her diamond’ or because the other three gems were going completely mad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t doubt either option.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can and I will” Steven didn’t know where this sudden wave of defiance had come from, but he had to admit that he didn’t hate it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it just felt nice to do as he wished, to not have someone breathing down his neck about what he could and could not do. He felt more free.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>(̶t̶r̶a̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶r̶a̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶r̶a̶p̶p̶e̶d̶)̶</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What has gotten </span>
  <em>
    <span>into you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused before responding, both his feet planted firmly on the warp as his fuchsia eyes with those dreadful diamond pupils glared harshly at the being he used to consider a surrogate mother figure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sense”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And just like that, he was gone.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope this turned out okay! I'm relatively new to the SU fandom so this was pretty much just a practice work for me to try and figure out proper characterization and really how the characters would act and such. Nonetheless, this was fun writing and I hope it was a somewhat decent read.</p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ahh, this is my first Steven Universe fanfic I've written. Terribly sorry if it's not all that good.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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